Listen Up, America!
The solution to your problems has plopped right in your lap. Mama is running for president!
Discover How President Thelma Harper would handle:
Immigration—I’ll tell you how we solve the problem at our border: build senior citizen housing all along the American side. No one sees more than a nosy old lady peeking through her window blinds.
Emergency Preparedness—Emergency response should be in the hands of the experts who have the resources and determination to respond quickly. I’m talking about Domino’s and Pizza Hut.
Airport Security—As long as we have to take our shoes off, I will install a shoe-buffing brush inside the X-ray machine so your shoes will get a little shine as they go through.
Animals—If I have a dog at the White House, I will have it spayed or neutered to control its sex drive, which is something that might have been a good idea for some of our previous presidents.
Thelma Harper is running for president, and the free world will never be the same!